No Coincidence

I believe that there are no coincidences only divine order.  You are exactly where you are supposed to be at this exact time.  I had the finale of the Oprah show saved on my DVR for over a year now (originally aired May 2011).  Strangely, it wasn't until last week that I actually sat down to watch it in it's entirety even though the show had to be one of my all time favorites.  During this finale, her words inspired me to dig deep to find my sense of self. It is no coincidence that I needed to do that now more than ever.

She spoke about the difference between THINKING you deserve to be happy and KNOWING that you are worthy of happiness.  I have times where I subconsciously block my own blessings because I tend to not feel good enough.  And there you have it.  It has been spoken for the first time.  I don't think I ever got that before I sat and watched the finale.  I now can think back on different occasions where it was clear that I did not feel good enough but yet I couldn't see it to be able to set myself straight.  Those "life whispers" went unheard.  I continued to not feel good enough to accept my life's blessings.  Oprah's finale, was the "hit over the head" that I needed in order to see that I didn't feel good enough. Although I wish that this reveal came much earlier, I am certain that it is no coincidence that it happened now.

I have been on the road to recovery for some time now.  I have experienced symptoms of depression for many years.  These feelings intensified after the birth of my two toddlers, ages 2 and 1.  In the midst of suffering from postpartum depression after my daughter was born, I found out I was pregnant again when she was only 4 months old.  The delivery of my son was traumatic.  After losing more than half of my blood and almost losing my life, God blessed me with a beautiful baby boy and another chance to live.  Because of that gift,  I spent some time working on myself to "chase" my happy.  Even progressing on my journey to good health, I never really gave myself the credit that I see now, I deserved.  In four months, I dropped 35 pounds, working my heart out and eating healthy.  I definitely was well on my way to finding happy.  Then something happened.  Life happened.  My kids got sick, I got sick, and then I lost my routine.  I quickly found myself reverting to old behaviors and felt like I was unworthy of those successes that I worked my ass off for.

Fast forward to today.  I am no where close to where I wanted to be BUT I am much farther than where I once was.  I believe that happiness is not a condition but rather a decision.  I have decided to be okay where I am even though I want to change.  Because I now see that I am worthy of happiness, I can be excited to do the work.  That is exactly where I needed to be in order to move on  to where I need to go.  No coincidence.